i used to think i was special

if you're gone hell baby you need to come home [sam]

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 11:59:43 GMT

Hopefully Sam has a pinpoint, because what's that he's being texted by Cissa? That would be pinpoint coordinates, yes.

He'll find the diminutive blonde on a park bench with a picnic basket, throwing a stick for the puppy (her name is Medea and she's just what Cissa needed, you know, while in the middle of trying to relocate -- thanks Dante) and wrinkling her nose at all the dog slobber left on it when Medea brings it back to be thrown again. The sun is shining and there are children playing on the jungle gyms nearby. Birds singing. It's generally a very nice day.

Cissa hums an old tune and waits.

Thu, 05 Jul 2007 10:25:36 GMT

Things were a great deal simpler three years ago.

My birthday came last month, and I chose not to mark the occasion -- I received a selection of gifts from Mrs Fawkes, as an appreciation of my talents. It's odd to think of the things I've done and how far I've come from being a Hogwarts drop out. And I have come quite far, I believe, in this small handful of years.

I'm not sure what or who I am at the moment. Everything has changed so much and I suppose I've changed with it, but sometimes I wonder if I've changed too much or not enough. Bella would say too much, of course, and probably follow it up with something fit to send her to Azkaban, but she's not here to lay her judgement on me, and I'm tired of doing it for her.

I'm taking a bit of time off from SWP. Mrs Fawkes promised me there'll still be a position for me in her company when I feel fit to return. I don't want to stay in Las Vegas any longer, so the house will be going on the market as soon as I find somewhere to move to. I'm not sure I'm going to stay in this world, or find somewhere new to try and really settle. I should like to have a home again, I think. I've never been much of an adventurer. I suppose that much isn't hard to see, knowing me even a little.

I'm not sure who to talk to about any of this. If anyone. I do sometimes wonder if it wouldn't have been better to live out my life as fate decreed it ought to be -- if perhaps I'm running into this trouble because this isn't what I'm meant for. I know, however, that it is far too late to turn back now, and I don't know that I would if I found I could. I've put so much time and effort into my life. I'm proud of my accomplishments, such as they are.

I suppose complexity is part of growing up.

[locked to Tamarantha]

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 01:27:20 GMT

Rabastan was killed in the asylum.

It was Antonin Dolohov. Not from either of our worlds, but one who visits the nexus. He believed Rabastan should not have to live like that -- that being what he was, he should have the right to simple death and not suffering the way his victims did.

I always hoped Rabastan would improve and be released. I don't agree with what Antonin has done.

But I don't have any way to change it.

I'm so sorry, Tam. If you need anything, all you need to do is ask.

You know I wasn't as strong as perhaps I needed to be, but I never stopped loving your father. I hope that you know that, and that he knew it, too.

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 01:56:38 GMT

I realised today that my Thea will be two years old on July 8th. I was quite shocked by this, I must say -- I shall only be nineteen the month before.

She has so much of her father in her. It's good -- she has something of him, though he may not return to us.

My work is time-consuming as ever. Thea has a new nanny, as the previous woman proved unsuitable after all. There shall be a certain adjustment period, I expect, but I am hardly to entrust my child to house elves. For one thing, they don't exist in this world.

I noted recently how my social circle has dramatically shrunk in size. Truthfully, it's far more manageable as it is.

I do miss the 'opera'. And my lovely boys -- my families, too, I have such love. But, c'est la vie.

I think Thea and I must do something to celebrate her birthday. We did not, for her first. Tragic.

oh did you see the stars colliding

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 09:26:47 GMT

Narcissa can't smoke at home any more, not with little Thea...she does outside, sometimes, but it's easier just to go elsewhere. This is why she's perched on the arm of a convenient nexus sofa, a lit cigarillo in one hand, a glass of wine in the other, and real estate brochures in front of her.

Andromeda suggested going somewhere else. That it must be hard to be in the house she shared with Rabastan.

Narcissa's tired of trying to solve her worries with 'holidays'; perhaps a new home is in order.

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 10:27:22 GMT

I've made a decision.

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 01:37:10 GMT

It's been a while since I've updated this. So, hello, darlings. Rabastan is still, to the best of my knowledge, being treated at Arkham Asylum. I do keep track of my husband, yes, thank you. Baby Thea is doing very well, and she has a nanny now -- Penny -- who I believe I owe a great deal to for her tireless hard work.

Speaking of hard work, I took a position in the demonology department of Scorpion Woman Productions, having taken to working for Mrs Fawkes again. I appreciate her willingness to hire me, considering certain facts. I am competent and willing to put in the hours required, so I don't worry too much about it.

It's been a bit too long. How is everyone? If you still read this.

will you take what's left

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 05:43:53 GMT

Narcissa yawns, stretches, and ... freezes. There is somebody else in this bed with her...the previous night rushes back into her memory and she sighs quietly, sitting up and clasping the sheet to her chest. "Clothes, clothes," she mutters, but it's her pinpoint she reaches for when she hears it ringing on the nightstand.

"--yes, this is Mrs Lestrange, who am I speaking to?"

OOC!

Thu, 09 Mar 2006 05:31:03 GMT

Meme stolen from like EVERYBODY.

...is so very AU, thanks nexus.

...drinks too much.

...likes cigars, but smokes cigarettes.

...loves Rabastan Lestrange.

...thinks some days she should've waited to marry him.

...doesn't want to resent her husband.

...loves her daughter more than anything in the world; would do anything for her wellbeing.

...loved Lucius.

...doesn't regret leaving him.

...doesn't regret leaving her world.

...wishes she didn't rely on the allowance from her uncle.

...has no intention of going back to her world. Ever.

...loved the Bella and Rodolphus who took her in.

...doesn't regret killing Bella.

...misses her.

...misses her own Bella.

...listens to classical music in the evenings.

...used to wear fairy wings and dance around the garden in the middle of the night. She was fifteen.

...hates that Bella and Rodolphus ruined Venice for her.

...prides herself on having "moved past" her limiting prejudices.

...still thinks Weasleys are beneath her, and need to learn what "birth control" means.

...is still proud of being a daughter of the most noble and ancient House of Black.

...is still proud of being a Slytherin.

...still has the knife she killed Bella with.

...hates admitting she's wrong.

...thinks her first name is silly, and secretly hates the fact she's the only one in the family not named for a star.

...will tell people that her name means she's special and unique.

...sounds ridiculous when she swears.

...knows this. Swears anyway.

...sort of wants to paint Rabastan's toenails one day, if he'll let her.

...is pretty sure she could talk him into it.

...sometimes wonders what it would be like to have Draco for a son.

...feels guilty for losing touch with her friends.

...still doesn't understand a lot of things about the muggle world.

...liked working at Arkham.

...wants to have a job again.

...wants to finish her education.

...is financially set for life, thanks to the fact none of the Beauchamps have other children to leave their family fortune to.

...thinks Quidditch is stupid, but wouldn't say so.

...wants to learn how to belly-dance.

...misses her parents.

...spent so long having everything done for her, she's terrified of fucking up everything she tries to do for herself.

...feels trapped sometimes.

...was a Slytherin prefect.

...absolutely could've made Head Girl.

...sniggers when she hears someone say "head girl".

...always wanted to know who was Head Girl in 1969.

Wed, 08 Mar 2006 23:36:58 GMT

I went to Rodolphus' grave, with an alternate of Regulus. The alternate who assisted his suicide -- killed him.

It was...strange. To think of him as gone now. Though I suppose he's reunited with his Bellatrix...I think they were always a little too much for their world. For any world. Perhaps now they've found peace. Even after everything -- everything she did, everything they did, what I did -- I want them to have that.

I don't know what I'm thinking right now. Or feeling.

I wonder what he did with Bella's body.

~~I still have the knife.~~

I need to finish packing. I don't even know how long I'm going...

[locked to Tamarantha]

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 08:24:33 GMT

Tam darling,

I would've told you sooner, but I had to collect little Thea from my uncle, and explain, and...Merlin, I just needed a few days to...recover my composure, I suppose. It's been hard.

I don't even remember what I've told you. The last while has been...a bit of a blur. You know your father went missing? When you were still dealing with...whatever was going on, what Sirius told me has got a bit hard to recall. I trust things are better now? Yes? Of course. I hope. You'll tell me if they aren't.

I found him. I think I told you this, but I'm not sure. He...the bodies were everywhere, there was blood and fire everywhere he just...

He killed Lucius, I think, first. And then something snapped.

I've sent him to Dr Crane. Arkham Asylum. I didn't want to, honestly, but I couldn't care for him myself. I didn't trust him with Thea any more, I...he needs care I can't offer.

And you needed to know. Because you are his daughter.

Tam, I'm so tired.

Attn: Sirius

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 22:31:14 GMT

I need you to keep baby Thea for a while longer.

I found Rabastan.

Sun, 27 Nov 2005 00:31:46 GMT

I got bored of being careful so I went to the nexus and ANTONIN WAS THERE. I have missed him so much. Dreadfully. I love him to pieces, I really do. He is such a darling. I need to owl him presents.

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 20:02:46 GMT

Narcissa leaves Germany earlier than she'd intended to, arriving in Venice late at night. Everyone in the palazzo is presumably asleep -- good. This makes it easier. She puts her things in her usual room, and sets baby Thea down. She takes off her cloak and her shoes, and then goes straight to the upstairs library.

Something is happening to Tamarantha, Sirius has said, and Narcissa wants to know what. But if all she can do is send books...well, by Merlin, they are going to be the most useful books she can lay her hands on.

She searches for the titles Septimus showed her through her youth, the books she learned all sorts of things from -- books she swore she'd never touch again when she left this world. Unsurprisingly, this world and all the knowledge she'd tried to leave behind had pulled her back, time and again, and now was no different. She swore under her breath and chose volumes that she thought might help, and a few she thought Sirius might just find interesting.

With the books, she included a note.

Sirius -

I want these back when you're done with them, of course. Don't look too long at the eye on the front of the black book, it's cursed.

I've told Thea she's not to go to the nexus until further notice. Please, darling, keep me updated. Tam's like my own.

Love,
Cissa

She owls them to Sirius, instructing the owl to use the nexus to get to him faster. Then she sits, and writes a letter to Rabastan.

My darling Rabastan,

I don't know if you've been told yet, darling, but apparently something dreadful is happening to Tamarantha, and it's not safe at the moment. I have taken both Theas and gone to Venice to stay with my uncle until it's safe again, and I've sent Sirius some of my books -- he and Dante and "Zane" (apparently Suzy's bodyguard) are taking care of the matter, and I trust them to take care of our Tam.

I miss you. If you can, come and see me.

Yours, always,
Narcissa

She sends a house-elf for a glass of wine and sits on the floor in front of the fire in the library, staring at the dancing flames.

It's been too long since she was involved in someone's life other than her own, and now she feels helpless to do anything useful.

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 00:37:23 GMT

I am enjoying Germany, so far. There was a little altercation with some Aurors from England...I'm fine, everything's...all right, but it was a bit of a muddle to get out of at first. Still, I should've expected to have a bit of trouble, even here. Oh, my darling Rabastan, how I do miss you.

Just observing on the journals, I've heard troubling things. Does anyone know where Tam is, if she's all right? I worry.

I think I might take Thea and go to see Uncle Septimus, in Venice. Or is he in India again? I can never keep track of the man.

Only, I heard rumours of my family in Berlin.

And I would rather not run into them here.

note left for Rabastan

Sat, 05 Nov 2005 03:08:46 GMT

RABASTAN;

I'm going to Germany (my Germany). Taking Thea with me. There are some pretty little magical trinkets and baubles touring -- they'll be in Berlin when I get there -- that I want to ~~steal~~ have a look at.

Also, I don't particularly feel like being around for you and Lucius' little pissing contest. Be safe, be careful, and I won't be gone long.

Love,

Your Narcissa

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 10:59:16 GMT

It's been tiring, just Thea and I this past while. Rabastan's been so terribly sick and I do worry for him, with those horrid mediwizards keeping him away from our daughter and I. I hate it. I want him to come home, and I want him to come home now.

I'm tired, and I'm slightly stressed, and I don't want Lucius to send me anything else. I want him to leave me and my family alone.

It's not FAIR. None of it is.

First Rodolphus and Bellatrix, now this. I don't know how much of all this I can stand before I just take Thea and run and just not stop running.

Never stop running...

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 08:19:27 GMT

Lucius Malfoy -- my Lucius, I think -- has shown up in the nexus.

Oh, dear God in heaven.

Fri, 12 Aug 2005 01:24:04 GMT

...I got my hair back to blonde. Partly because of Antonin's little 'spaz', and partly because I just missed it. Thea looked very startled when Mummy's hair changed colour all of a sudden, but the spell I used simply reverted it back to it's natural colour and it should stay that way.

And now I have things that need to be done.

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 11:41:01 GMT

Rabastan and I were visiting my uncle in Venice -- my Venice, in my world -- when we found to our dismay that we couldn't get back to the nexus, and therefore back through to our home.

On the upside, we were perfectly safe, but I was very worried about everyone. I didn't realise how little time would pass while we were away! I'm glad to be home, though. Alenthea was born perfectly healthy and wonderful -- little Thea Lestrange!

I'm so very happy.

Goodbye, Bellatrix Lestrange.

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 06:06:42 GMT

Narcissa waits until she's sure Rodolphus isn't in the palazzo. It takes her a while to get past the wards to get inside, but when she does, she moves quickly and quietly, wand clenched tightly in her hands.

Bellatrix is sleeping. When Narcissa finds her, her sister is lying in the bed she shares with Rodolphus, looking peculiarly...angelic, in her fitful rest. It almost stops her, but Narcissa's come here for a reason and she's not going to let anything stop her.

Not this time.

It ends here.

She sits down on the edge of the bed, and draws the dagger out of the sheath on her thigh. She knows from experience that when Bella is asleep, nothing will wake her.

She leans down and kisses her sister's forehead.

"I'm sorry, Bella. But I can't let you and Dolphus destroy my family. Not this time."

She plunges the dagger into Bella's heart. The darker woman's eyes fly open, and she almost screams but Narcissa is quicker. "Silencio!"

Blood spurts.

Narcissa stays until she's sure Bella is dead, and then she takes one of her sister's cloaks, wraps it around herself, and leaves, walking calmly out the front door.

She's shaking.

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 02:13:09 GMT

I'm...tired. Very tired. Everything is just a little too much at the moment and I really just want to sit down somewhere quiet and try to remember all the things that are good. I can't lose this baby. I can't. I'm sure we'll be safe, I really am, but I'm so worried I can barely think straight.

So I suppose I'm not sure at all.

I don't feel very well. And I don't know what I'm doing any more. I quit working for Mr Wayne; I think I want to move to Vegas. I've been looking at houses lately...I think I found somewhere perfectly lovely for Rabastan and I. With guest rooms, for Tam and Johnny and their baby, when it's born.

I worry for Tam. What Bellatrix did...

But I don't know that it would occur to Bella to do it again. She didn't do it on purpose. She was trying to kill me, not the children. It doesn't make me feel any better, but it's a fact.

I hate Bellatrix. So much.

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 11:22:31 GMT

Aphrodite confirmed it for me.

I'm pregnant.

And oh, it's what I wanted, I know, Rabastan, and a family, and...

I'm not ready. I'm not. I only just lost the twins. What if something happens to this baby? I couldn't bear it.

I'm terrified.

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 09:24:48 GMT

I'm LATE.

...

Shit.

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 22:16:46 GMT

Narcissa dials Jason's number, carefully examining her reflection -- it's not a wedding dress, but a simple white skirt, blouse and fitted suit-jacket. She's been making faces at herself all morning.

"Jason?"